The Unexpected
by titty slapper
Summary: Steven meets a new friend in Beach City.
1. Chapter 1

Steven sat atop the gargantuan statue that was his and the Gems' home. Of course he was alone because he's a depressed puddle of jello. He stared at the pastel sky, thinking about Connie or something stupid like that. Because he was being an emo bitch.

"Oh well" Steven sighed softly, ending his thought aloud like the lil' cunt he is. He angled his head up to take in the sky before he went cry himself to sleep or jack off; probably both. However a glint in the cloudy eve sky caught his eye (i should be a poet) and Steven began to wonder what it might be. His thoughts trailed him to it being a shooting star, as it was moving rapidly, however its movement was more vertical, as in this object was hurtling straight towards, well, Steven. Now Steven was wondering if it would hit the statue's extended hand, destroying the rigid stone structure along with himself .

"I can only hope" he exhaled, being a little emo baby bitch again. Despite Steven's wishes, the 'star' sped past the hand and slammed into the beach below, and a cloud of sand rose up, like beach city was suddenly Dubai or some shit. Either way this snapped Steven out of his whiney bitch mood and he jumped up, then did his gay bubble shit to float down to the beach. He couldn't believe the sight.

"Is this more Gem technology?" He rasped, his voice still shaky from him crying like a bitch for the last 2 hours or something. His red eyes became more red because apparently Steven doesn't fucking understand sand particles floating in the air get in your goddamn eyes so he started screaming and whining enough that the goddamn bird woke up from her power nap. Pearl kicked open the mesh porch door so hard she broke the hinges and i just flew off onto the beach like "fwoosh!" Just really fast and if this were some cop movie it would be a really awesome scene like goddamn.

"STEVEN QUIT MAKING SO MUCH GODDAMN NOISE OR I WILL GO GET GREGS BELT AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD." Pearl politely inquired, hoping for steven to shut the fuck up.

"Sorry Pearl, I didn't mean to wake you" Steven groveled, trying not to cry or let his voice falter.

"WELL YOU BETTER KEEP IT DOWN YOU USELESS GARBAGE." She calmly stated as she slammed the now no longer existent door. Steven sighed in relief that he had spare himself from another round of lashings.

He turned his attention back towards the strange thing on the ground that appeared to be... a ship perhaps? Steven honestly didn't know. What he did know is that something green was now crawling out of the ship. All it really looked like from this distance was a pickle inside a gum wrapper; just why the fuck. Steven was hesitant but began to approach, cautiously. The pickle turned out to be something much more vile and full of more hatred towards humanity than any ordinary pickled cucumber. It was some gross green flesh bag dragging itself from the wreckage with gross as fuck toothpick arms; how the fuck can you move with goddamn toothpick limbs? Anywho this little green pickle bitch was moaning like a baby "oohhhohh I'll get that fucker for this..." on and on with this shit goddamn we get it shut up. Steven really did not want to touch it. But because he was always 'nice' he was morally obligated to help; even if it was a goddamn living pickle.

"Hello? Are you okay?" He called out from like 20 feet away; he didn't want to touch this fucking pickle beast.

"Uhhhweahhhohh..." completely incomprehensible bullshit, can you believe this fucking douchebag? Steven extends his love and compassion on the tip of a moral 20ft stick and this pickle can't even muster a response? What a fucking cunt. Steven still felt like trying to get through to the salty pickle man.

"I'm Steven, what's your name? Do you need help?" This was all Steven could do now. The pickle didn't move. No sound either. Steven listen for breathing to see if this asshole was even alive still. To his disappointment he was. Steven flipped the pickle over and it uttered something Steven almost didn't catch it:

"Z-z-im..." the pickle gasped, before fading back into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Memory was slow to return. At first there was only pain. The pain was total, everywhere, so that there was no room for memory. Then he remembered that before the pain there was a cloud. He could let himself go into that cloud and there would be no pain. He needed only to stop breathing. It was so easy. Breathing only brought pain, anyway. A continual screech of an almighty fuckery monkey was in and out of each ear. It sounded like a human child shitting all over the floor repeatedly and crying because of it. Shut up human child I don't know what to do I'm not your parent/guardian go away you smell. Either way the shit child would not stop the eternal screeches of solitude. This was like hell's music mixed with Guy Fieri's laugh and Smash Mouth's 'All Star'.

Eventually The screams of torture turned into faint voices, and then, at last; comprehensible speech. The first words to be heard after the crash;

"I wanna fuck it." Those were the first words heard by Zim, and he could not be more terrified. He did not want to do a fuck at this time. His pelvis: smooshed. His ass: royally shrekt. He was in no way ready for a fucking.

"Garnet no!" Said an annoying voice, no; **the **annoying voice. It was the shit child. It was back from the hellish landscape of the incoherent high to haunt Zim again. He groaned in terror for he did not want to have his ears royally fucked deep, like that time Zim came home and found the big headed one using his robot as a cheap blow-up doll. Either way the annoying shit child heard him groan.

"I think he's waking up!" the shit child screamed; Zim's skull was on the brink of erupting into a bloody green and red mess all over the floor.

"Good I'm gonna fuck him" The other voice responded, drawing nearer. The clasp of a belt could be hear and soon Zim's big ol' boner was poppin' out, it was like some gross alien tentacle or some shit idk just imagine the most fucked up tentacle hentai and you have it.

"Garnet stop! We don't even know what it is!" The shit child shrieked; Zim's skull was surely in pieces now. However he was able to speak, before his skull gave way and the great deluge purged from it.

"I AM AN AVERAGE HYOMIN SEE MY AVERAGE HUMAN GENITALS" Zim shrieked in desperation, hoping to be freed from the shackles of pain buzzing in him.

"Okay…" trailed the voice of the fuck one, who was now trying to stuff all of Zim's nasty ass dick tentacles inside various orifices.

"FOR CHRIST SAKE WOMAN THEY GO IN YOUR MOUTH AND ANUS AND VAGINA" Zim screeched, hoping to feel something other than pain for a change.

"Oh." The fuck one began sucking and sticking the tentacles into the bootyhole and the pu$$y. Zim usually did all the work, holding the person up with the tentacle dick things, but he didn't have the energy to do so.

"CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE BITCH SHE'S A ROCK NOT A WOMAN DON'T YOU MISGENDER HER YOU CIS SCUM" the shit child's voice rang throughout not only the room but the cavity in which there was a puddle of goo once known as Zim's brain.

"Shut the fuck up shit child I'm not even fucking human I don't fucking understand all of your language you are fucking annoying I jsut wanna fuck this 'gar-nut' creature please leave" Zim had had enough of this shit child and just wanted to cum inside the fuck one in peace.

"but-"

"STEVEN LEAVE" commanded the fuck one, like god with the 10 commandments, except instead of everyone completely ignoring what they say, Steven actually fuck off. Thank god.

Then Zim nutted so hard, Garnet slammed against the roof. Steven went and cried.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey hun, what's the matter?"

The voice split through the silence and Steven's soft sobbing.

"Sweetie pie what's wrong?"

Steven lifted his head to stare into the motherly eyes of none other that Amethyst.

"What did Pearl do this time?" She asked sternly and lovingly all the same.

"Did she hit you?"

"N-no it wasn't Pearl this time..." corrected Steven, sinking his view back down to his knees in sadness and embarrassment, because seeing the pickle mans weirdly sexy cock tentacles gave him a raging pubescent boner.

"So it was Garnet then." Amethyst stated, because Pearl was a raging asshole and garnet was a fucking machine: a machine that fucks. God Garnet was good at fucking. Thinking about it made Amethyst all flustered and she adjusted her mom-blazer: the mlazmber. Either way Amethyst has the hots for Garnet end of story.

"Yeah.." Steven muttered.

"Don't you worry, I'll sort this out."

Amethyst started walking towards where the obvious guttural grunts and gasps of two primordial creatures engaging in a reproductive act, also known as The Horizontal Hankey Pankey. Amethyst walked in unbuttoning her shirt and exposing her big ol' rock tiddies.

"Any room for me?" She called all sexy like, pulling her blazer and shirt all the way off. Goddamn Amethyst is a fucking milf and you can't tell me otherwise. She smooshed some of Zim's tentacle cocks in between her big sexy titties and started sucking them a lot. The tentacle dicks started pumping faster and faster down her throat and [I should say now in chapter 2 i may have copied the first paragraph from Stephen King's 'Misery'. Now you know.]

"My goodness!" Amethyst exclaimed in a mom fashion as she sat in astonishment at how much alien goo was inside her. This is it im done writing smut fuck this. Fuck nope im not doing it.

Fine.

Greg walked in.

"What the fuck? Where in god's green asshole Steven?" Greg shouted walking in and getting a facefull of tentacle and Amethyst muff.

"Heyyy Greg!" Amethyst said as she became full of fish.

Greg didn't know what the fuck was happening but he was going to fuck Amethyst right now. And he did.

Steven was being pushed into the room by the fucking bird bitch again. They basically just got absorbed into tentacle and muff and gross hairy Greg cock.

Connie walked in.

"Steven?" She called and was sucked into the huge orgy and because her and Steven like 10 in the show I'm done.

Fuck you I'm done you get something new later.

FIN

(Steven came all over Connie the end)


End file.
